Sunday, May 31, 2009

More Bullshit

this time from Kid Nate:

Its easy to Monday morning quarterback, but Greg Jackson's game plan clearly didn't work for Rashad Evans against Lyoto Machida.

Uh...also...maybe...did Evans EXECUTE the gameplan?

Sweet fight

Man Abel Cullem brings it every time he fights. He's out of the Clay Guida school of "crazy gorilla go go go go".

Thank you fightlinker for the heads-up.
One question: Mayhem's fight got stopped for an illegal kick to the head, but Tokoro lands several strikes with his foot and legs to the head while Cullem is grounded. What's the differentiation there? I don't know Dream's rules particularly (if that isn't obvious).

Saturday, May 30, 2009

uhh...fellas?

so, the pros are spouting now. First, International Man of Douche, Matt Hughes:


“I went back and watched the Rashad fight again, and I think it comes down to bad coaching. In the prefight press conference, I heard Rashad say that he didn’t bring anybody in who would resemble Machida’s style. When I heard that, I knew that there might be some problems. That is probably a big reason why Rashad didn’t do very well in the striking area. I also think Rashad should have been coached on using his wrestling talent. He didn’t shoot one takedown that I can remember and he just made it a sparring match. If I was to coach Rashad against Machida, I would have told him to make it a fight, use his wrestling and groundwork to really dictate the match. Not just go out and spar with him. I think Rashad could have done a lot better in that fight. I’m not saying he should have won, but he’s a lot better than he showed on Saturday.”

Shawn Tompkins also weighs in, saying:
Rashad “gave Lyoto everything he needed to make himself look invincible” by failing to close the distance and use his strong wrestling skills.
(From MMMAnia)
Both guys somehow forgot that...wrestlers who tried to wrestle with Machida failed miserably. Notably, though I wouldn't call him JUST a wrestler, Tito Ortiz' takedown attempts were defended easily. This is one of the most dominant takedown artists the UFC's seen. He made his living defending the UFC LHW belt with basically brutal takedowns and G'N'P from the guard...and he couldn't put a dent in Lyoto. So this guy, who put Rashad on his ass for two rounds (and won that fight, in my book), can't wrestle Lyoto, yet Rashad could?
I agree you have to try something different than standing at range and letting Lyoto beat the shit out of you, but if you look at a fighter's history and see him absolutely ass-raping your particular discipline you really can't think, "Oh, I'll do that." You know why? You'll be ass-raped.
I have no idea how Machida gets beat. I have the same thoughts about Anderson Silva, and GSP.

On a side note, I watched Joe Warren vs. Kid Yamamoto, and holy lord, Joe is huge for a 145lber, at least next to Kid. Actually, is featherweight 145 in Japan? They use some alternate measurement system I can't be bothered to learn.

I gotta tell ya

my favorite part of UFC 2009 so far is getting Running Bitch Bisping on the ground and punching his face in. Since that'll never happen in real life unless he's somehow incapacitated, it's my sorry little joy. I also submitted Brock Lesnar 7000 times for fun.
Biggest disappointment? No fatalities. Whatever!

UPDATE: Church's Chicken coupon at the end of the instruction booklet? Made of awesome. You get to fight...and you get discounted chicken. Only a juggernaut like THQ/UFC could bring us this winner.

UPDATE UPDATE: It could be a mandatory coupon for "Man-lover's Anus Lube" and I'd still have bought this game.

Friday, May 29, 2009

best and worst

the best thing about Machida beating the holy hell out of Rashad is listening to the utter silence of almost every hater out there. Well, silence except for the jaws-slapping-on-the-floor sound.
the worst thing about it is listening to tons of ass-clowns pontificate on "how you beat Machida". Barf. If you're going to do it, come up with something new, OK?

Oh, another best thing is I WAS RIGHT, JERKS.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

TUF tonight

Mike Bisping goes from douche-strength to douche-strength. He purposely tosses water in someone's face, then lies about it to the camera. What a cunt. Bisping...you suck. You just suck in every way except fighting. Despite my total hatred of you as a person, I still respect your fighting ability, though in my dreams Dan Henderson actually pulls your head off and throws it at Queen Latifah. I don't know why that happens.

Anyways, another sloppy as hell fight, and Mr. Best UK Fighter quits on the stool between rounds. Frank Lester is a tough dude but seemingly unskilled...a takedown and he could have choked that guy out in a second...he wanted the excuse, as the quitting-on-the-stool proved. After the fight, surprise! Bisping breaks out some more douchiness and doesn't tell his fighter the truth about what a total cock-polisher he is for quitting.

Honestly, Bisping's whining, lying, and lack of anything resembling adult control of himself would be hilarious if it wasn't totally horrifying. Ah well, off to bed. Wonder what kind of royalty Hendo will lob a dome at tonight.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Oh am I glad it's a short week

I thought there were only two words I could see on Sherdog that would make me barf in my mouth a little (hint: rhymes with "Romas Tios", but then I saw a new one: "Charlatanry". Really? Why in fuck would you use that word, sherdog writer dick? Shut up!

Monday, May 25, 2009

the problem

with Bully Beatdown is that if a bully can run for long enough in the grappling round, he can win more money in the sub round then a lot of pro fighters can win in a pro fight.
But it is fun to watch these a-holes get the crap beaten out of them. I liked Jon Murphy's method against the rapper guy. No one likes a dude who pushes women around.

Of course, we have no idea what the editing was like on that show, either. What if they cut out the bit where Eric said, before the fight "I've decided to give all my winnings to homeless orphans. I hope I can change my ways."

Unlikely!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

niceness

last night, explaining what was happening to a non-MMA fan friend who was watching UFC 98 with us, my brother was trying to explain Lyoto Machida to him. At one point, he stopped, nodded at me, and said "That guy's been saying Machida will be champ for two years".
We were chatting later, and both agreed that what we saw last night may be another evolution in the sport, much like the evolution from dominant BJJ or sprawl'n'brawl to wrestling, we now have two of the UFC champs as predominantly "elusive" counterstrikers. It's yet another puzzle that must be figured out by their opponents...much like Chuck Liddell was a puzzle, and Matt Hughes was a puzzle, and GSP is a puzzle right now. While the distaste in a lot of quarters is still idiotic, it is also irrelevant. While obviously Rampage could figure something out and end the "Machida Era" in the next fight, it seems unlikely. So go ahead and whine, Machida haters. It's pointless, you were wrong, and very, very dumb.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

UFC 98

Overall an excellent event. The championship fight turned out pretty much how I expected, and it was still breathtaking to watch Machida take Rashad apart. I gained a ton of respect for Rashad's toughness, but Machida is just on another level.
I have a problem with the Hughes decision. I don't think he really did much outside of the second round. I'd have given that fight to Serra.
Drew McFedries' fights are less of a martial arts chess match than jousting with semi trucks. You know something will happen, and it'll happen suddenly.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Typos are teh funz

Thomas Casale from 5oz.:

Rashad Evans vs. Lyoto Machida is now just hours away and the matchup between the two unbeaten lightweights can’t come soon enough for this MMA fan.


I did get an entertaining picture in my head of them as tiny little sherk-like creatures.

WTF Alistair? And Strikeforce?

Absentee "champ" Alistair Overeem is going to miss more time. He got in a fight at a club and cut his hand, apparently injuring it to the point of nearly losing it.
So he hasn't fught in Strikeforce in 19 months. Is he really the champ? He's as bad or worse than Cung Le. Can Strikeforce find any fighters who want to fucking stick around?
The article I link to is pretty deferential, too...painting everything as a "well, now you know" instead of "what a fucking fucktard move that was" incident. I say, strip that fuck of the belt and let Rogers and Arlovski bang it out for the strap.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

TUF stuff

Last night's episode wasn't half bad, even though most of the interest was for the last ten minutes of the show. Jason Pierce is out, which is fine by me. Outside of his one fight, did he contribute anything of interest to the show? Not one thing. His and Faulkner's love connection was not interesting or compelling at all.
The fight between Lawson and Dent was notable for Dent apparently forgetting he can fight for long stretches of time, and Lawson running so very out of gas I thought he would come out for the second round with a long cap and gown on, holding up a candle while yawning. Yes, the dude had a chest issue coming in, but man! You have to have an idea of your cardio coming in. If you know you've got nothing, finish in the first. Channel the Travis Lutter "engery".
At the end, they showed Bisping, who'd displayed very little moronic-Bispingness in the episode, throwing water in Damarques Johnson's face while walking by. Honestly, can Bisping be more of a douchebag? I'm seriously sad that "douchebag" is the worst thing I can think of to describe him. He consistently shows himself to be shallow, half-witted, and lacking knowledge of not only himself, but of life and anything outside his own tiny self. He's really the worst kind of person. And I don't even know why he tossed fluids on Johnson, I already felt that way. So here's hoping A) Bisping gets crushed by Hendo and 2) the world finally comes to realize what a d-bag he is. Posthumously.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

This post here

is why I quit going to fightlinker. Or posts of this sort. I don't mind Ryan and Jake going off on Machida, because they're funny, but that's just a load of horseshit. It's his opinion, but it's a dumb opinion. And the dig at other fans...lame.
I'll still read the feeds, fuck, I'm wearing a Fightlinker shirt as I type. I donate money so they can do their shit. But the other posters are crap.

Dear Blogs

I do not give one flying fuck if Dana White is on Jimmy Fallon's late-night TV abortion. Honestly there is not a night late enough that would make me want to watch that wretched pile of pig excrement. Not White, Fallon.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Random WTF post.

OK, I get fiveouncesofpain.com in my feeds. This Cory Brady character has been churning out some god damned horrible stuff for them, but I couldn't get all the way through this article before I ran headlong into this typeset turd:


This fight just has fireworks written all over it. Tuchscherer is a two-time NCAA Division II All-American wrestler, while Puder was the first ever winner of WWE’s Tough Enough show.

That's right. Winning WWE's Tough Enough show is...somehow...qualification...as a fighter. It's qualification as an actor, sure. As perhaps a rudimentary or mildly trained acrobat. As a potential wife-beater, for sure. But a fighter? The entirety of someone's pro wrestling career should be summed as "former pro wrestler". NOTHING ELSE NEEDS BE SAID. It's exactly the same as someone being a former secretary, or former zoo-animal-inseminator. It has zilch, zero, nothing, to do with fighting. It's an old job. Perhaps one involving a lot of men in tiny pants, but still just an old job.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Evangelista is planning on protesting

Billy Evangelista wants to protest the DQ loss to Mike Aina last night, but for the wrong reason:

“I feel bad at what happened, but I am definitely planning to protest,’’ Evangelista said. “Nothing I did was on purpose. I thought I had timed the knee perfectly and that he was on his feet when it was delivered.’’

Well, no. He was down, and you timed it totally wrong. You SHOULD protest the fact that the god damned knee NEVER HIT HIM IN THE HEAD. Kneeing to the head is illegal against a down opponent, but kneeing to the body is legal. Since when was the armpit a part of the head?
Aina is faking the hell out of this anyway. I lost some respect for him there.

Strikeforce Challenger: Mike Aina vs. Billy Evangelista

Aina has crazy eyes. He should have a win over Nick Diaz. Diaz's bong power carried him through, somehow.
So, a hometown guy who's not a total underdog. The arena doesn't look all that full. I wonder what Strikeforce will pull if they head out of Northern California.
Overall the production, if you don't count the voice of Mauro Ranallo, is pretty kickass. It strikes me as something that would look better in person than it does on TV. The crane cam is in full effect though.
I like Mike Aina. Guy's got heart, but he trains cardio like BJ. Evangelista kicks like Kongo!
I like combos that have a leg kick at the end. That's good stuff.
Eh...stupid knee by Evangelista, but it looks like Aina is faking it. Damn. This isn't even as hard a shot as Varner took against Cerrone. Dude, get up, come on.
That was not even a knee to the head. It was blocked. Shit, Aina is going to get a DQ win for a shot that didn't even land. Herb Dean is going to be pissed when he sees the replay. What a bullshit way for Evangelista to get his first loss. He should have never thrown that knee, of course, that's pretty clear. How on earth can they call it a no contest? I've never heard of an illegal blow no contest. Anderson Silva, Frank Shamrock, they both have illegal blow losses. Malaipet lost on one of the ShoXC fights for an illegal blow. No way it's a no contest.
Yeah, that's what I thought. Win via DQ for Aina. What a piece of junk. I'm not impressed with this. Aina has taken harder shots than that. He got kneed in the armpit. His holding his jaw made me think of an elementary school kid complaining of a stomach ache, holding his tum tum.
But...it would have never happened if Evangelista hadn't thrown the knee, no issue. So tough shit, Billy. Wise up. Rules are rules.

Strikeforce Challenger: Tate vs. Kaufman

Not a lot of fighting Jews in MMA? Krav Maga is more about disabling the testicles.
Tate fights out of Superman Hallman's gym. Dennis Hallman is the guy who got shafted the worst for not fighting in the UFC. This dude beat Matt Hughes twice, while Matt was considered the toughest motherfucker on the planet.
anyone else find it slightly hilarious that Miesha Tate has "Serious Pimp" across her boobs?
Chicks should get to fight five minute rounds. Tate got robbed after securing her takedown. You should have time to work a perfect double like that.
Ground an pound coming from Tate. This is a fantastic grappler vs striker fight. And we get 9 minutes. Wrong wrong wrong. Tate is losing her mud all over Kaufman.
Good lord Kaufman is pasty white gym rat colored.
Kaufman is strong like kosher ox.
These 3 minute rounds are robbery for the fighters. They don't get to work their games. Time runs out. Sucks. These women fight too fucking hard to get jobbed with 3 minute rounds. The fans don't see a finish, and the fighters get cheated out of a full fight. Ridiculous. Tate and Kaufman should be pounding on doors to turn this into five minute rounds. The MMA world will be better for it. It looks like a UD for Kaufman to me, 29-28, but we'll see.
What would your rabbi say about cagefighting?

More

Lavar Johnson's nickname is "Big"? His nickname is a Tom Hanks movie? Fuck that.
I think Carl actually had little birds flying around his head as he lay on his face, and heard that Looney Tunes "pastoral" music.
I liked Lavar Johnson's post-fight "If I can just collect a paycheck I'll be fine."
Nice.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Strikeforce Challenger: Lavar Johnson vs. Carl Seumanutafa

Oh god Mauro Ranallo sucks. "A Rosa by any other name smells as sweet!" Mother. Fucker.
This is one angry Samoan coming in. I spelled his name right once, and now he will be called Carl.
Lavar Johnson is bringing his kids to the fight. Mark Coleman lost in front of his daughters, and made them cry, and Scott Smith won a litigious fight in front of his boys, and they grinned. Kids always seem to want to touch the injuries.
Johnson is a heavy hitter apparently. They only showed Carl highlights.
Johnson walks out to a decent rap song. Most rap walkouts are dumb, but this song works. It's got like horns in the background. What song is that?
245lbs vs 250lbs. I love it when big guys hook it up.
Apparently they handed out tickets at the local DQ because the fans here only know the local guy. Wev. Carl is on a 2 fight losing streak, the other guy is 11-3, I dunno where his career stands. Johnson is big as fuck. Taller than Herb "the Predator" Dean.
HOLY SHIT.

Strikeforce Challenger: Ruiz vs. Rosa

Rosa has Pete Spratt in his corner. They just showed Rosa beating the unholy hell out of some guy. In Adrenaline? Do they even stage fights after the Jason Guida curse?
Who did Anthony Ruiz get beat by, Whitehead? It sucks that a guy is five years younger than me and I think to myself "He's a little old".
Miletich is saying that the Quach-Jones fight should have been a draw. But he's discounting the fact that A) Quach fought back after he recovered, regardless of the knockdowns, and 2) the first KD was a little bit of a trip, if you look at the video again, he recovers immediately and goes for a leg.
Rosa looks soft for a light heavyweight. Maybe a middleweight waiting to happen . Rosa looks a little like a slightly uglier Stephen Bonnar. Gotta love the standing elbow from Ruiz. And the inside knees to the leg from the clich. Nice. Rosa with the asshole lock!
Asshole lock to double leg to BJJ is only gay if you make eye contact.
Damn unconsciousness choke. Ruiz has to go to work tomorrow morning too. Why put a local can up against the up-and-comer? Why not get a GOOD local fighter who's got a chance to win? Rosa's being groomed to fight for the LHW belt, Ruiz is...well, he's a god damned tough firefighter.

Strikeforce Challenger: Quach vs. Jones.

Got home in time for these fights...don't get ESPN Deportes or HDNet, so that's all I get!
Tito Jones vs. Bao Quach. Pat Miletich calls Urijah Faber's gym "the Midget Army". Urijah walked his man Jones out. Bao is my man...he reminds me of my little brother a tad. Bao looks solid. Strikeforce has no elbow strikes to the head of a downed opponent...so no Unified Rules?
Easy fight to judge, Bao won two rounds. That kid Jones is tough and fast, but he has no experience. I love Bao Quach, the guy has enough heart for ten tiny guys.
Pat Miletich is an awesome announcer.
If I haven't said it before, MMA fans are the worst part of MMA.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

oi

It's hard not to keep harping on Bisping, but every time that guy's on camera without coaching, he comes off as the World's Most Insecure Closeted Homosexual. His mockery of Team US's 1, 2, 3 USA chant, coming from a rah-rah douche like himself, was jaw-dropping stupid. As an aside, I really think he's rah-rahing because he's got very little else to offer except being a big wrestling dummy. I'd bet a dollar that Spike made him look a hell of a lot smarter by NOT showing his coaches explaining strategy to him, with that slow, patient voice you use when talking to a five year old.
The screwy part is that I don't think the guy is literally an idiot. I think he's just trying to put on a persona of leadership that he in no way fits into. He's a drunken young jock, and should be leading people in doing shots and speaking incomprehensible "English".
Even screwier? I believe Spike is trying to MAKE him look like a leader, for narrative purposes, and this is the best they can do with the footage they've got.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

mike bisping is a douchebag

Good god, how terrible is Bisping at everything? He honestly doesn't believe he belongs there, and he's trying to bluster his way through his insecurity.
It's painful to watch.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

HOF?

So, since the UFC's Hall of Fame is stupid, useless, and a lie (because it doesn't have Frank Shamrock), then there should be an independent MMA HOF. Who wants to start it? I nominate Drew Fickett for "COCK SANDWICH" alone. He's so richly contributed to the vast, multicolored tapestry that is MMA.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Interesting article on the new Strikeforce replacement for ShoXC at MMAMania.com. The statement from Coker is funny though:

“This is where the men — and women — will be separated from the boys, so to speak. The growth and future of our sport just got a turbo injection. For regional fighters and up-and-coming men and women looking to test themselves against other top prospects and get on the fast track to stardom, SHO MMA: Strikeforce Challengers is the place to do it. I can’t wait for this first event.”

So far the competitors are Joey Villasenor, Cyborg Santos, Superman Hallman, Jorge Gurgel, and Corey Devala. That's 32 pro fights for Smokin Joe, 28 for Cyborg, 54 fights for Hallman, 17 for "What's jiu jitsu?" Gurgel, and 11 for Devela. 142 pro fights between those five guys. So basically, they'll have to book them against teenagers for this to be "up and comers".

Also, Benji Radach explains why he's appealing his loss to Hands (and Head) of Steel Smith. Nice work CP. That's a little...journalismish.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Good piece from Zach Arnold

Recco'd readin'

whoa!

Here I was, thinking Luke Thomas was the only insufferable prick on Bloody Elbow's staff, and Wham! Michael Rome joins the fray! His whole article is basically a slow deepthroating of Brock Lesnar.

"It's also a bit hollow to criticize Brock for fighting for money. The man left a lot on the table by leaving professional wrestling, and he lives out in the woods in a cabin with no internet. The idea that he is just in it for the money is ridiculous, I'd like to see a comparison of Mir's lifestyle to Lesnar's to see who's really more interested in money."

Uh...have you seen his house? He left pro wrestling because it's a slog that destroys his body, doing dozens and dozens of shows a year. Rome follows with a weird statement that he'd like to see a comparison of lifestyles. Really? So Lesnar's massive spread "out in the woods" with his gym and vehicles and plane is..."a cabin"? Come the fuck on. I've seen the guy's house on the UFC's hype show. Just because a place is off the grid don't mean it's some backwoods shack, dummy. Lesnar may not ONLY fight for money, but Mir is exactly right that he wouldn't be doing it if there wasn't a ton of cash on the table. Of course, I don't think Mir would be doing it either. He'd surely be grappling, but I can't see him getting punched in the face if he didn't make good dough.

But overall, that Rome article is douchiness personified.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

PS World

See? I told you

Dear world

I tried really hard to care about Pacquiao-Hatton, I did. I like Pacquiao. Hatton seems a bit of a douche. They're both game fighters.
But I don't care.

That is all.

 
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