Ultimate Chaos. Spoilers.

Well, of course I bought it. I bought fucking YAMMA, a card with Mark Kerr and Ricco Rodriguez on it. Why the hell wouldn't I pay money to see Bobby Lashley? Come on now.
Opens with TUF alum Danny Abbadi vs. Some guy named after Orzo pasta. Apparently its a rematch. Three round borefest that the announcers make out to be a thrilling war. Abbadi didn't bring pressure on TUF, and he doesn't bring pressure tonight, and loses a UD to the pasta.
Harris vs. harden something. Two guys with little cardio or technique. Seth Petruzelli and Colonel Bob are way too impressed with this fight. Arm triangle tapout for the one unimpressive fighter. I honestly forgot which one, the white guy.
Then we go to Tom Atencio, wealthy owner of Affliction at 42 years, vs John Hedderick, 25 year old first-timer. The kid takes it to Atencio in round one, dropping him legit at least once, and possibly pushing him off balance a couple other times, and connecting with some solid muay thai (but forgetting his leg kicks for some reason). Atencio displays outstanding recovery time. Round two, Atencio lines up a right that snaps the kid's nose, and he's basically done from then on, putting up little resistance, ending the round on the floor, and quitting (or having the doc stop it) on his stool. Excellent effort by Atencio, and a little mockery for Dana White in the post fight interview as well. Nice work, Mr. Atencio.
Brett Cooper vs. Spirit Wolf, with Dean Lister in his corner. They spar around, I watched Cooper destroy local San Diego product Pat Speight on an Affliction car a while ago. Spirit Wolf throws a MONSTER right directly on the "go to sleep, do not pass go" button, and it's over. Cooper wanders around like a dazed zombie.
Chris Horodecki vs Sriypai, a late replacement. Horodecki trades a bit on the feet and then does the weirdest thing I've seen him do...executes a nice takedown, and gets both hooks in. he looks a little lost trying to finish from the double hooks, but eventually works in a rear naked choke and wins. Bizarre win for Horodecki (which I always heard as "ho-ro-desk-ee", but the Colonel says "O-ro-deck-ee". whatever). Shawn Tompkins in "The Polish Hammer"s corner. Good job by Chris taking a sub win on an obscure card, guaranteeing a lack of damage for his upcoming fight in August...Brett Cooper should have called him and seen what was up there. The ring announcer got his name right. Weird. (Colonel just called him "ee-ro-dekki". haha)
You know, the production values aren't sky high, and the cams aren't perfect, but fuck, this is a pretty god damn decent card.
Mark Kerogosian, late replacement, fights another Javier Vazquez, since Din Thomas got sick cutting weight and can't make it. Weird thing for Din to have happen, he's cut a hundred times. Good luck to Mark...he'll need it. But of course, Spirit Wold needed it too, and luck tends to go to those who throw big-ass right hands.
What's with star tattoos? I have one for a specific reason...does EVERYONE have a deeply personal reason for a star tat? Damn I am not a special snowflake.
Almost a 30lb weight diff in favor of Vazquez, and a large height diff. Late replacements are always interesting. Will he come out swinging for the fences, like color commentator Seth Petruzelli did? Or is he going to try and play it safe? Dude can't lose if he goes out in a blaze.
Ring announcer did not manage to pronounce all of Kerogosian's syllables. Announcer troubles are always funny to me. Vazquez doesn't look that much bigger. Kerogosian looks a little like a tiny Dan Henderson. Vazquez grabs a guillotine and taps him after some flopping around. Both guys look disappointed with the fight. Vazquez has to be seriously disappointed...beating Din Thomas would have been a major notch in his belt, but choking out a last minute replacement was zero-reward 100% risk for him. Good job securing the win at least.
The in-ring interviewer is named "Bray Deavours". That's fuckin weard.
Colin McKee vs Lance Thompson, bonus fight. Walks out to Sunday Bloody Sunday, which I think was actually about a surprise menstrual attack. I'm not positive about that, but I'm going with it. The walk-outs for this event are weird, as soon as the guy hits the cage, they switch to the other fighter's music, before he does a run-around. Lance Thompson from Slidell, LA, walks out to Bush's "This Cloud" (I think that's what its called), the Most Unlikely Entrance Music of All Time. Yes, even moreso than Cro Cop's "Wild Boys". I hate Bush so fucking much I hope the get Exploding Cancer. I made up that disease just for them. Apparently this fight is at...174? Who knows. Things are getting odd. Lance looks like he's chiseled from fucking granite.
Fun aside: the ring announcer's mic just randomly cuts out. You can hear him "Check, check, check" ing between rounds. It sounds like he's insane.
No glove tap from McKee. Clinch to takedown, contested, but eventually Thompson spins to his guard and they're both on their feet. Funny, McKee high-fives him after the scramble. McKee shows an active guard, Thompson mounts. back to guard, good grappling. McKee is the bigger fighter, Lance shows good power. Nice g'n'p from Lance, illegal strike from Thompson. Thompson looks tired. Tapout from strikes for McKee. Weird ending. I think the illegal knee strikes had something to do with it, apparently I missed it, both fighters landed illegal blows. Tough ending. Never good when it's a cloudy finish. Even though the announcers say Thompson isn't complaining, he walked out before the hand-raising, which is a bit classless, in my book. Anyway, the Belfast boy wins.
So now it's Yvel vs Rizzo. Both guys coming off losses to Josh Barnett. Lots of "production value" for this fight, which is terrible. The cameras seriously look like handycams. There's maybe one good cam, the light is jarringly different from station to station. It makes you appreciate the UFC and Showtime quite a lot. Whoa, John Lewis in Gilbert's corner, I just watched him get KTFO by Jens Pulver on "Unleashed". The Rock comes out looking old and soft...but dude can hit. I'm actually impressed with this matchmaking. Two guys who will battle standing, and I'm willing to bet someone gets KO'd. While part of me would be giddy with a weird take down RNC win for Yvel or Rizzo, who doesn't like a throwdown standup war? It's not like it's Jorge Gurgel faking it, these are two dudes who've made their careers throwing leather. Pedro looks OK, I don't want to make anyone think he's a spongecake or anything.
Here we go! Of course..two kicks to a takedown. What the fuck? Rizzo's working from the full guard with big elbows. The announcers note that those are illegal 12 to 6 elbows. Interesting. Yvel has zero ground game, as usual. Scramble from Yvel, they both hit the feet, frantic strikes from Yvel and they connect, Rizzo is dropped, ground and pound from Yvel, Rizzo is out, it sounds like Yvel is tenderizing meat, the ref finally stops it. Brutal, brutal KO by Yvel, the commentators are pissed that the ref didn't stop it sooner. I thought the ref did a decent job considering what he was seeing. Those guys are looking at replays.
I'm going to save here and take a piss.